You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

Religion has convinced people that there is an invisible man living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.

I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I am an American - you know, you grow.

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense!

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.