The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle the Vatican has overlooked.

Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.

I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't.

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.

Children today know more about sex than I or my father did.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.